He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
