Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
oh god the rape fog is back!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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