i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You peed on a flamingo?!?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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