at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
