I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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