I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
