I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
