Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you

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(406): View more from Montana

Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...

(303): View more from Colorado

Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?

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(678): View more from Georgia

I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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(618): View more from Illinois

you should give me head with plastic fangs in

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...

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(862): View more from New Jersey

So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.

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