What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize