I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He better not be in your backpack
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
