You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
