You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
