Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
