I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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