Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
