I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm really busy with my period
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