i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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