Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The Olympian is in my bed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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