apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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