ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
