I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
