I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
