my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
