god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
