No awkward lesbian experiences without me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
