I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
