If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
