You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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