apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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