It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
