I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
