Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
