Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Small penises have feelings too.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
