If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
