you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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