He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Naked. naked and bneed help.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
