dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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