I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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