i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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