So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
