You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
