Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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