This is not my ceiling
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
