Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
