summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
