Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
