HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
