I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
