I smell stomach acid.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
