"it" just moved
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
