CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
