you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
