We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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