I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
