I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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