Already got asked if we're dating
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
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So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
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Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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