So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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