On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
