somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
