At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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