Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
