mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
