I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
