Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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