C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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