Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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