Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
