hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
