A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I forgot wine drunk hurts
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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