I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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