I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize