five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
