I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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