The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
