I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
