I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
